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20121027
20121104
Search Results 0 to 7 of about 8 (some duplicates have been removed)
go. chris christie, governor! all right, there it is! (cheers and applause) good thing his mom sewed his name into all of his clothes before he went off to governor camp. (laughter) and storm nation, things are not much better in new york. the m.t.a. reported that sandy flooded seven subway tunnels under the east river. which means it could be weeks before they're able to restore the scent of urine. (laughter) that's why i am calling on new york drunks to head into the subway and release their strategic bladder reserves. (cheers and applause) the point is it appears that we got manhattan wet, which i'm pretty sure voids the warranty. (laughter) and there are no lenape indians around to give us back our beads. oh, you win this time, extinct tribe. (laughter) but before the storm hit i hope you all followed my storm prep instructions. duct tape the windows, filled your bathtubs with fresh water and built an ark. (laughter) one of every animal, only females. then add one very randy poodle. (laughter) they can mate with anything, that way we repopulate the earth with a hypoallergenic ani
album called love this giant. it's a fan letter to chris christie. a new report says that paul ryan likes to shoot deer with handguns. and when he finds out who leaked that to the media that deer is going to get it. this is "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcomed to report, everybody! thank you, ladies and gentlemen. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen slarm stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) nation, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nation, please put down the peanut butter are you licking out of your mousetrap and just listen up for a minute. i want to you hang in there. the national guard is assisting the jersey shore. governor chris christ
the jersey shore. governor chris christie and president obama have been strategizing together on the cleanup. and joe biden is using his teeth to illuminate hoboken. folks-- (cheers and applause) lovely set of choppers. now folks we've all been affected by the storm. even me. yes, i still have power at both my office and my home and my other home. and gas and heat and phone service and my t1 line is still lightning fast. and my toast certificate still making top-notch toast. but i did have to take in my neighbor allen after he lost power. i set him up on a cot in the gar achblingt he should feel right at home surrounded by all of his tools i have borrowed. (laughter) i told him-- (applause) i told him if he gets cold just start the car. (laughter) but folks, that is nothing compared to the ordeal i went through this morning. you see, mayor bloomberg's letting only cars with three or more passengers cross the bridges and tunnels into manhattan. an of course normally it's just me and my driver hector. so this morning i had to-- i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i'm sorry this is hard to get out. this morn
Search Results 0 to 7 of about 8 (some duplicates have been removed)